Silly Parties
by Dave Bealer

This article first appeared in the July 1995 issue of Dream Forge magazine.

Copyright © 1995 Dave Bealer, All Rights Reserved.

Summer has arrived - the time for picnics and parties. These gatherings can range from serious to silly, it mostly depends on who is invited. Even parties/picnics that will me more or less subdued affairs (i.e they're not BYOL (Bring Your Own Lampshade)) can get a little kick from certain elements, starting with the invitations.

Silly Invitations

A co-worker once gave me an invitation to a party. It contained a great extension on the typical "map to the party site" ploy. The map on this invitation contained several segments. It began with a picture of the Milky Way Galaxy with an arrow pointing to the approximate position of the Sol System. The next segment was an actual wire-frame map of the Solar system, indicating the third planet out as the destination. Then came a map of North America, with an arrow indicating the Baltimore area. Finally, there was a map of the particular section of Baltimore City where my friend resides, pointing out his house.

Word silliness. I had a picnic for some coworkers last summer. Not being an artist, I decided to go for verbal insanity in my invitation. Besides, most of my invitees had already been recipients of the Galactic invitation described above, so a fresh approach was required. Here is the result:

  - - - - - - - - -%< begin invitation >%- - - - - - - - - -

           You and your family are cordially invited to

                Dave "The Procrastinator" Bealer's

          First Annual (or Whenever He Gets A Round Tuit)

                       SHORT NOTICE PICNIC

          To be held:  Saturday, June 24, 1995
                          1300 (1 PM) until ?????

           Rain date:  Saturday, June 31, 1995
                          (if it ever comes)

      Location:  Dave's Waterfront Townhouse in Pasadena
                 (See Dave or Larre for directions if needed.)

     What Dave Provides:
         Hamburgers, hot dogs, hot Italian sausage sandwiches,
         chips, pretzels, Santa Fe Pasta Salad, Stir fried
         veggies, Strawberry shortcake, water, iced tea, soda
         (non-diet), ice, Genesee Cream Ale, deck with Chesapeake
         Bay view (complete with haze), Frisbee, and boardwalk.

     What Guests Provide:
         Diet sodas; their own favorite brand of beer/ale/pickle
         juice; any salads, desserts or other food items you think
         might gross out the other guests; any diapers, pacifiers,
         medications, games, toys, whips, chains or other
         accoutrements needed by members of your family.

   Rules:
     1) Children are welcome, but Dave's house is NOT child-proofed,
        and contains two cats.  You are responsible for your own
        children at all times, just like in real life.
     2) If you put the Frisbee, or anything else that belongs to
        Dave or another guest (including another guest), in the
        river, it is your responsibility to retrieve the item.

   RSVP by Thursday, June 22, 1995.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
      Please let Dave know if you will be able to attend:

     Name _________________________________________________

       [   ]  Yes, we will be there.  There will probably be
               _____ guests in our party.

       [   ]  Maybe we can make it, provided we don't get a
              better offer, like having root canal work done.
              If we show, there will probably be ______ guests
              in our party.

       [   ]  No thanks.  Either we have other plans, or we'd rather
              have our fingernails pulled out than see you when
              we're not getting paid by the hour.  (This will be
              considered the default response if you don't reply.)

     - - - - - - - - -%< end invitation >%- - - - - - - - - -

This fit on a single 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper. The picnic turned out okay, with about 2/3 of those promising to attend actually showing up despite torrential downpours in the area at the official picnic start time. The sun did put in an appearance later on in the afternoon.

Theme Parties

A few years ago I hosted a Monty Python Party and Film Festival for a few demented friends and coworkers. The entertainment consisted of all three Python feature films, the MP Live at the Hollywood Bowl tape, an interview with John Cleese taped off of PBS, and selected episodes from the original television series. Food included Spam (there was a can on the table, but nobody had the guts to open it), various exotic cheeses (all mentioned in the cheese shop sketch), and vegetables stir-fried in my semi- famous Lemon Curry sauce, which I invented especially for this event. Beverages included Foster's Lager and Watney's Red Barrel, an English beer which is available in the U.S.

The Python party is the only theme party I've hosted to date, but there is plenty of material available for others. Here are a few suggested examples:

Red Dwarf Theme Party
featured food: various vindaloos, pot noodle, fried calamari
featured drinks: lager, beer milkshakes
special gimmick: guests should arrive alone

M*A*S*H Theme Party
featured food: creamed chipped beef, c-rations
featured drinks: home distilled gin
special gimmick: guests should wear operating room gowns

Simpsons Theme Party
featured food: pork chops, doughnuts
featured drinks: whatever that drink was that Homer invented
(Hey! You can't expect me to remember everything!)
special gimmick: guests must be animated characters

Indiana Jones Theme Party
featured food: live insects, dates (preferably not poisoned)
featured drinks: French wine, whiskey (straight from the bottle)
special gimmick: conduct an actual archaeological dig during the party. Note that this could cause your downstairs neighbors to complain if you live in an apartment.

So, there you have them. Ideas for something other than your ordinary, everyday, humdrum picnic or party. Have a great summer.

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